The Royal Wedding

I, along with much of the world I’m sure, found myself falling victim to watching the Royal Wedding of Prince William and his wife to be Catherine Middleton.  While it is fun to see and dream about having an extravagant wedding, the reality is most people cannot afford to get too extreme.  Watching the Royal Wedding it almost made me sick to my stomach to think of how much money truly went into it all.  From the extravagant dress and decorations, to the reception, the wedding was flawless and seemed to be straight out of a fairytale.  I'm sure the wedding was something that Catherine, who grew up in a middle class family, could have only dreamed of growing up.

Everyday, especially in the celebrity news and television shows, women see images of weddings with brides and grooms who seem to have no worries about how much money is spent.  With these shows and celebrity weddings as the basis of our generations wedding ideas and planning, it’s hard to not try and live up to expectations.  While it is neat being able to see the perfect wedding, it does not help that women feel they need to do the same.  Obviously the average person would never be able to pull of the Royal Wedding without being in debt the rest of their lives, and then some.  But the fact is women will still try to have the “mini” version of what they see portrayed.  It’s sad that a lot of women feel that it is necessary to have extravagant weddings because society gives them the ideas that it needs to be a big impressive show.

I have always wanted to have a simple wedding, and one that is as inexpensive as it can be.  I could never see myself spending even close to as much as what I see in the media.  I would much rather have a small, intimate wedding with close family and friends than something meant to impress my guests.  I don’t see the point of spending thousands and thousands of dollars on a wedding in order to achieve the perfect wedding, especially if the main reasoning behind it is impressing people.  I think it is kind of funny, and stupid of people who do try and live up to these expectations for the benefit of others, because even it that perfect wedding is achieved and all of your guests are in awe, someone else will come by right after and outdo you, leaving you in debt and no one remembering it anyways.  Even the Royal Wedding of William and Catherine is compared to his parents, Charles and Diana's.

Gender Role Variation with Class

It is interesting to me how different gender roles differ with class.  Social status and money situations have a great impact on the jobs, as well as household and family roles.  In many working class marriages, it is most common for the woman and man to have full time jobs.  Most working class families do not have the leisure of a one-income lifestyle, and because of this their home life varies.  Depending on how demanding each individual’s job is may determine whether or not the man or woman does most of the household work.  In my experience, it still seems that the majority of Working class women also do most of the domestic work and family care on top of their jobs.

Middle class is slightly different.  Usually, one person has a fulltime job while the other most often has a part time job.  Mainly it is the man who had a fulltime job, and the woman who would have a part time job then handle the household work and childcare, etc.  The middle class lifestyle is easier on the family, because they are not having to focus on both parents having fulltime jobs while dealing with all of the housework and taking care of  the family.

Upper class may only have one individual working, most often the man.  In many upper class families, the wife is a stay at home mom/wife and takes care of the house mainly.  In some cases, if the family is wealthy enough, they may even have a maid or nanny to help the woman with the work.

The situations I just described are extremely stereotypical, but for the most part realistic to how families were run, at least in the past years.  In today’s society, things have shifted slightly in some aspects.  While still uncommon in the majority of situations, it is becoming increasingly more popular for the gender roles to be reversed.  Nowadays, many more men are becoming stay at home dads, as well as marrying women who earn a larger income than them.  With time, the gender role situation is becoming blurred slightly, but the differences in gender roles within different classes are still apparent.

Mid-State Sisters of Skate

The Mid-State Sisters of Skate started in the summer of 2010 in Stevens Point, WI.  As of now there are 30+ members.  I heard about them through a family friend who is currently a member in the league.  After briefly talking with her about it, I was immediately interested and wanted to learn more. 

They are a non-profit amateur sports league, but they follow all of the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association guidelines and regulations.  The league was originally started for fun, but they decided it could be more than that.  As Lisa Pett, one of the members of Sisters of Skate stated, “Our biggest goal--besides having a lot of fun, is to really foster the sport. To have people take it seriously and us seriously as athletes. We believe that roller derby is good for the community and can benefit it in many ways, especially by supporting the women of the community.”

As written in their mission statement, Mid-State Sisters of Skate “strives to run a safe, fun, professional league that gives women of all ages, shapes, sizes, and skill levels a chance to enjoy the sport of roller derby.”  They also “endeavor to empower women by challenging members’ personal growth both on and off the track.”  They also strive to not only gain support through their members but also members around the Central Wisconsin community.  They help out many local charities and organizations by fundraising and volunteering their time.

Each of the members has a nickname, and expresses their unique styles in the clothes they wear.  I think everything the Mid-State Sisters of Skate stands for is amazing.  The best part is their goal to empower and celebrate women of all types.  This organization gives women a place to express themselves in a safe and nonjudgmental environment while having fun.  I love that they chose to do Roller Derby, because it also shows that women can be tough.  I have included a picture of some of these women as well as their website.  I hope that you will check it out, see what all it has to offer, and spread the word to your friends!

http://midstatesos.com/skate/

Rape

1 out of every 3 American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime.  This is just one of many statistics that show us the scary reality of sexual assault.  Many people don’t even think about it, but the fact is it’s happening all around us.  There is a big debate on rape and what exactly it entails, especially when it comes to whether or not the sex was consensual.  In order for sex to be considered consensual, both parties must say YES and agree with the act. 

One of the times there is great controversy is when alcohol is involved in cases of sexual assault.  When someone is drinking, they are not in complete control of their bodies, and that is what leads to trouble and confusion.  Alcohol may make someone act a certain way, and they may not want to have sex, but it may be assumed by the other person because of their behavior.  This is why it is so important to make sure you get verbal consent before actually having sex.  The fact that they don’t say no isn’t enough, and in order to have consent both people must say yes and agree to have sex.  That is the biggest argument when it comes to someone who is accused of rape; they didn’t say no. 

Also, because of alcohol, many rape victims are unsure of what happens and are afraid to report it.

The scariest part about rape to me is that the majority of victims are raped by someone they know.  As we talked about in class, many people assume that all rapists are big, scary, men who come out of the bushes and attack at night.  This is not even close to the truth.  In fact, a huge number of rapes occur within relationships, and many are not reported.  Just because you are in a relationship with someone and you have had a sexual relationship, doesn’t give you permission to expect sex whenever you please.  Being in a relationship does not excuse the consent rule.

The last thing I want to bring up about rape is that although the vast majority of rapists are men, that doesn’t mean women are not capable of raping as well.  It is not as common, but it is not something that should be looked past.  I also feel that many men are afraid to admit that they were raped, so there are probably way more cases than we know about that just haven’t been documented.  We need to break the stereotypes of rape as a society, and encourage victims to come forward so that we can stop the vicious cycle.

Dangers of the Objectification of Women

In our society, it has become seemingly normal for women to be objectified in everyday life and especially in the media.  The idea that woman are merely objects, and judged on their appearances has become so “normal” that it seems to be the main focus of men and women all over.  Because of this portrayal in ads, movies, etc, women are not treated as individuals with unique personalities and traits, but rather as objects to be looked at.  The idea of objectifying women is completely degrading, and only adds to the gaps in treatment based on gender.  In fact, objectification has become so bad that men are willing to pay to see women dance nude, or perform sexual acts through prostitution for money all over the world. 

Women’s sexuality is used, especially in many commercial and magazine ads, in order to make men buy certain products.  The worst part of this is that it actually works, and people fall into the trap everyday.  The sad truth is also that it is not only men who participate in the objectification, and women are just as much at fault as men.  Women who are willing to pose for the ads, or be paid to have themselves degraded, further adds to the discrimination because they are only feeding the fire.  Women also fall victim to the ads of makeup and other beauty products which use women as objects to trick women into the “ideals” in which society says they should follow to be beautiful. 

Not only is objectification degrading women and giving a false image, but it also can cause much psychological damage to women who are not able to live up to the high standards set forth.  Women already have so much pressure on them to be perfect and live up to the same standards of men in order to be treated as equals.  Throwing in having to live up to the high standards of looking like a super model does not help the situation, or a woman’s confidence.  Because of this, women feel afraid to show their true identities in relationships or when meeting new people.  Objectification makes women less independent, and lowers the standards and goals that women set for themselves. 

In order to change this, we need to have more media attention to the so called average women who are truly the majority, not the stick thin bombshell which is truly unrealistic.  The media is the most powerful tool in this case, and because it is the main reason objectification has become so out of control, I feel it is the main thing that needs to change in order to progress in the treatment of women.  Men need to stop treating women as objects and respect them, but women also need to stop falling into the traps.

Sex vs. Gender vs. Sexuality

Even though sex and gender identity are completely different things, there stills seems to be so much confusion with them.  I grew up very educated to diversity, and was always taught to be open and accepting to different races, classes, genders, etc.  I was introduced to the idea of gay and lesbian at a fairly young age, so have always had an open mind and been interested in learning more about different gender identities.  Last semester I took a trans and gender queer class, in which I learned in depth many different gender identities from all different cultures.  Because I have always been curious and interested in this subject, I feel that I know a fair amount about it and am constantly correcting people and answering questions.  Sometimes it is difficult, because I hear people say something completely incorrect, and often find myself correcting them. 

Back to my point, sex and gender are not the same.  Your sex is describing your biology; what you were born with as far as male or female genitalia and reproductive organs.  Your gender identity is what you chose to identify yourself as.  Gender is feeling masculine, or feminine, neither, or even a mix of both.  For many people, your sex and gender match up (male/masculine, female/feminine), and this is known as cisgender.  That means the way you feel and express yourself matches up with the biological sex you were born with.  Some people are born with Gender Identity Disorder, which means that their biological sex does not match up with the gender they identify with. 

Many people also get confused with sexuality.  Sexuality is a whole separate category on its own.  A person’s sexuality does not have to be determined by their sex or their gender.  Sexuality is who you are attracted to sexually.  That is where lesbian, gay, straight, and bisexual come from.  Many people get very confused, especially when it comes to transgender people and their partners.  If there is a person who was born biologically a man (sex), and feels and acts as a woman (gender identity), but is in a relationship with a man (sexuality), many would say that he is gay.  This however, may not be the case.  Because the individual feels and identifies as a woman, they would be considered heterosexual.  It can get very confusing, but once you understand the basics and realize that sex, gender and sexuality are not the same, you can better understand LGBTQ individuals and be able to and speak of them without sounding ignorant or offending them. 

Gender Discrimination in Schools

Riverview High School in Florida has been all over the news this week for ones boys abnormal dress code.  A male student at the school showed up to class wearing high heels last week, and was asked to leave by the principal.  The student’s teacher claimed the boy was distracting to the class, and sent him to the principal’s office.  The principal claimed to be worried about the boy’s safety and afraid he would be bullied, and sent him home.  It was determined that the boy was not breaking any rules of the school’s dress code.  I heard this story on the radio as I was driving home today, and it caught my attention. 

At first, the way the radio station was talking about it made it seem like the boy had gotten in trouble because he was wearing the heels in order to make fun of cross dressing or transgender individuals.  When I got home I looked it up and found out that was not the case.  The male student simply liked wearing heels and felt most comfortable in them.  As one of his friends, Hayley Stepp, stated in a news interview, “He likes the way they make him feel. They make him feel more confident, and he just likes to wear them.”  It didn’t make mention of whether or not the boy had ever worn heels or other feminine clothing before this instance.  I also don’t believe that the boy was indeed a distraction to the class at all, and feel that it was more likely the teacher was uncomfortable with the situation and wanted to do something to stop it.  It also seemed that the students they interviewed for the most part were not bothered by it at all.  Many of them backed him up, and it was said one boy even was going to wear a dress to school the next week to stand up for him. 

I feel bad for the boy, because if in fact he was just wearing the heels because he liked them, and was reprimanded for being himself, I think it was completely unnecessary for the principal to do that.  A more appropriate thing to do in this situation would have been for the principal or teacher to talk with the child and inform him of the possible dangers of bullying and ridicule from other students if he chose to dress this way, but also that they would help to make sure he was in a safe environment so that nothing would happen to him.  That way he would be aware that there may be discrimination from other students, but he still would have the option to do what he wanted to do without being told what he should do.  There was no reason for him to be taken out of school when he did nothing wrong in the situation.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/dailycaller/20110425/pl_dailycaller/teenageboycalledoutforwearinghighheelstoschool

Last Name Debate

There has always been a debate on last names, and who takes whose last name in marriage, as well as whose last name children should take.  Tradition in our society says that it should be the woman taking on the man’s name, and any children they have also take on that name.  There has also been the argument of hyphenating last names so that both the mother and father are included in the last name.  In my opinion, hyphenating, although seemingly more equal, just confuses the situation.  Lets say my last name is Smith, and my husband’s is Johnson; our children would then have the last name Smith-Johnson.  Then when our child gets married, if their husband/wife also has a hyphenated last name, it then leaves four choices.  Does it then become a four part last name?  Or do you simply pick the two favorites to move on to your children?  I understand in some circumstances, hyphenated last names may be the answer, but for the most part I don’t think that it is necessary and just makes for a sticky situation. 

But going back to the debate on whether or not a wife should take a husband’s last name.  I feel like it is completely up to the couple whether or not they change their last names, or simply both just keep their own.  I understand that the reasoning behind the woman taking the man’s last name is based upon past views of society and how the man is the head of household.  I also believe that it really is not as big of a deal if a woman decides to take her husbands name nowadays as some people make it out to be.  It does not mean that she feels less important than her husband or that he is the dominant one in the relationship, even though that is how some people make it seem.  To me, my last name is not something that important to me that I wouldn’t want to give it up.  And just because I do, it doesn’t change who I am or who my family is. 

When it comes to an unmarried couple that has a child, if they are staying together and raising the child together I believe either last name would be fine depending on what the parents prefer.  On the other hand, if they are not together and the child lives with one or the other permanently or majority of the time, I think that it makes the most sense to have them take that last name.  To me, one of the last things I am thinking about when getting ready to marry someone or have children is the last name that I or my children will take.  I realize this is not the case with everyone, but in my opinion there is way too much time and attention focused on this issue.  Everyone should be free to make their own decisions without worrying about criticism from family, friends, or society about what they should have done. 

Gender Identity Disorder

Gender Identity Disorder is becoming increasingly talked about over the last decade, and more research is being done to better understand the disorder.  Gender Identity Disorder is when a persons biological sex conflicts with the gender they chose to identify and live as.  Last semester I was in a trans and gender queer class, and I had the opportunity to see many videos and interviews on individuals with gender identity disorder, as well as meet a few in person. 

One video in particular that really stuck out in my mind was an interview done on a little girl named Jazz.  Jazz was born a boy, but at the age of 2 knew that she was meant to be a girl.  Jazz’s story was a happy one.  She knew at a very young age that she was born in the wrong body, so she grew up living as a girl.  In the video, it is said by experts that the younger a child is when transitioning, the easier it is for them.  Jazz only spent 2 years living as a boy, so her transition was much easier than some.  Since she wasn’t forced to deal with changing at a later age, it was easier to forget about her past living as a boy.  Her parents and family were also extremely understanding and always made her feel comfortable with her choice to be a girl.  They allowed her to wear dresses, grow out her hair, play with girl toys, and everything else little girls like to do. 

Since seeing the interview with Jazz, she has stuck in my mind.  I could not believe first off how mature and determined she was.  She wasn’t worried about what other people thought, and just wanted to do what she knew would make her happy.  I also loved how amazing her parents were with the whole situation.  Many parents of children with Gender Identity Disorder question them, and often try and change their minds to make them “normal.”  This was not the case with the parents of Jazz.  All they wanted was for Jazz to be happy, and they never pushed her to be something she wasn’t.  I respect her parents and give them so much credit for that. 

The first video I watched of Jazz, she was only 7 years old.  The interviewer asked her what it meant to be transgender.  She responded that she was born with a boy’s body and a girl’s brain.  I found it so fascinating listening to her speak, because she seemed so mature for her age.  I also couldn’t believe how positive she was.  For the most part it seemed as all of Jazz’s friends and family were very accepting of her choice and embraced it.  I definitely think that this had a huge impact on Jazz and making her transition much easier. 

Watching this made me wish that was the case for all individuals dealing with Gender Identity Disorder.  So many people are disowned by family and friends after announcing they would like to change their gender.  Also, many people don’t realize until later in life, or simply pretend to be something they are not.  As we begin to understand more about this disorder and continue educating others, the better it will be.  People need to understand that this is not a choice, and imagine what it would be like living as something you are not everyday of your life.

Here's the link to the video of Jazz that I was talking about.  This is only the first part of five, but if you are interested in watching them all they should pop up after each section ends.

Domestic Violence

Today’s video on domestic violence really hit home for me.  One of my really good friends spent 4 years in an abusive relationship.  I was the one she always came to for help and to talk to, and it was extremely hard for me to deal with.  They were high school sweethearts, and after we graduated they moved in together.  He had always been verbally abusive to her, but once they moved in together it escaladed into physical abuse as well.  After a year of living together, she became pregnant.  I hated that she was with him still, but I thought that her getting pregnant would hopefully be enough to stop him from hurting her anymore; I was wrong. 

Finally, it got to the point where it was so bad that I threatened to call the police for fear of not only my friend’s safety, but now the baby’s.  That was enough to scare her in to moving out.  She moved into a group home for abused women, where she stayed only for a short time, then moved back in with him.  I was outraged when she told me that she had left to go back to him.  Soon after she moved back in, the baby was born.  Once again, I tried to stay positive, but the abuse continued.  She ended up moving out, and back to the group home, a few months later with her daughter because things had gotten so bad again and she feared for the baby.  That is when she finally got smart and decided she needed to move on and didn’t have to deal with him anymore. 

Because of my friends experience, I have a lot of empathy for these women.  I have experienced, through my friend, how hard it can be to get out of an abusive relationship.  For someone who hasn’t been through it, it seems so obvious that you should just get away from the abuse and never go back to the person.  But really, its not that easy.  There is so much more behind it than just the abuse, and many people don’t realize that there are many reasons these women are forced to stay in the relationship to help them financially, or if they have children.  Some of the statistics mentioned in the video really shocked me, especially that every 18 seconds a woman is a victim of abuse, and 1 out of 4 women in the US experience domestic abuse.  It’s so crazy to think that that many women are being abused, because it’s not something you hear about in the news or media very often.  I think this is partially because women are not opening talking about it, and many are embarrassed that the abuse happened to them. 

I also found it very interesting how many people they interviewed that said they had been abused as a child by their parents or someone they knew, then when they grew up, they continued the violence because it was what they had learned.  It completely makes sense, but it’s really sad to think that it could possibly have been avoided if somehow we were able to stop the abuse.  I was glad to see how much work was being done as far as making the laws against abuse more strict, and feel like it is necessary to make a change because abuse rates are just getting worse. 

Tru Life: I'm Changing My Sex

A few years ago, MTV had a Tru Life special titled “I’m changing my sex.”  In this episode, there were two people featured.  Elle, who was 24 at the time of filming, was born with male genitalia.  Elle lived as heterosexual man most of her life, but always wanted to be woman.  She was very unhappy with her life, and became very depressed and even attempted suicide.  Once she had been living as a female for many years, she finally felt comfortable enough to make a permanent change.  Elle decided to undergo a complete gender transformation, and had sexual reassignment surgery.  After the surgery, she was much happier with herself and more comfortable with herself. 

The second person featured was Ted, who was 22 and living as a man.  Ted was born Ashley, a biological female.  He considers himself Female to Male Transgender.  Because he is biologically female, Ted has large breasts and wants surgery to reconstruct his chest to make himself appear more masculine.  He has opted out of having full reassignment surgery.  The only thing stopping him from changing his appearance is the fact that he does not have enough money to pay for the surgery.  Growing up felt like a boy, but his family raised him as a girl.  Because Ted’s appearance was that of a female, he decided to tell people he was a lesbian, since he thought it was easier to explain to people than being transgender.  After going to college, Ted met and joined a trans group in which he finally felt comfortable being who he was.  He currently has a wife, who says she didn’t care that Ted was trans, and she loved him for who he was even after finding out.  Ted had his surgery and is fully recovered living life happily with his wife. 

Both of these individuals they showed were great examples for educating those who really don’t know much about what it means to be transgender/transsexuals.  Both Elle and Ted are success stories, and there are many others that are not so lucky.  Many trans individuals cannot afford to have the expensive surgeries required for changing their sex, and many other complications that prevent them from the transition.  Although this is the case, I believe it was very brave of Ted and Elle for volunteering themselves to be shown on public television and not worrying about how people would react to it.  I first saw this episode a few years ago, but it was the first time I had seen a show dealing with both the positives and negatives of being transgender and all of the struggles that come along with the surgeries.  Because MTV is such a popular station and is well respected, this episode opened many doors for education and awareness of transgender in society. 

http://www.mtv.com/videos/true-life-im-changing-my-sex/1631489/playlist.jhtml

Engagement Rings?

Our discussion in class about engagement rings made me really start to think.  I must admit, I have always wanted to have a beautiful engagement ring to show off.  Then, I realized it was just that; I wanted to show it off.  It made me start to think deeper into what an engagement ring really means in our society.  You do not need a ring to prove to others that you have a partner that you are planning on being with the rest of your life.  So, especially with the economy the way it is today, why do so many people still spend crazy amounts of money on them?  And if it is the case that they are for some reason a necessity to marriage, it brings up the issue of “mangagement rings”.  Why don’t men wear rings like the women do?  It seems that the expectation is for women to have a huge rock on their hand to show off that they are taken, and that their significant other has money to spend. 

I never really put much thought into how outrageous some rings are, and how big of a deal having the perfect ring is to most women.  I did some research, and the average amount spent on an engagement ring is between $3500 and $4000.  That is a big chunk of money, and it definitely isn’t something that most people can afford.  I think this has a lot to do with why the marriage age has kept getting higher and higher, and engagements are longer.  People don’t have enough money to be able to afford the engagement ring and the wedding, so they need more time to save up and prepare financially for them.  The more I think about the idea of an engagement ring, the more I seem to be against wanting one.  I have always been big on saving money and the realization of how expensive and basically useless the rings are makes me rethink it.  Also, I feel that it is ridiculous that this tradition is continuing basically just because society says it is the norm.  Engagement rings are just another useless stressor that society puts on people.

Male Pageant?

There is an event held on the UW Oshkosh campus every year called Mr. UWO.  A few days ago, I attended this event for the third time since coming to Oshkosh.  For those of you who haven’t been to this before, it basically is a competition where men of UWO compete for the title of “Mr. UWO.”  In other words, it is a male pageant.  Some may argue that this shouldn't be considered a pageant because when most think of pageants, Mr. UWO is not exactly what comes to mind right away.  Now, I admit this is no where near as extravagant as the typical pageants women compete in, but nonetheless it has many of the same aspects involved, so I don't think it is fair to judge it differently simply because it is men rather than women. 

Pageants shoud not be based on gender, and I think its pretty cool to have things like this offered to men.  The men of Mr. UWO were expected to compete in multiple rounds, including formal wear, spirit wear, and talent.  Pageants are most always associated with women, and when involving women they tend to more intense and more activities involved.  This may be the case, but I feel that the more exposure people are given to pageants involving men, the less discriminatory they will be.  Many men have the idea that pageants and other events like them are not considered “manly”.  But in all reality, the men I have seen participate in pageants love the competition, as well as showing off to the crowd, and seem to thoroughly enjoy themselves.  If events such as these continue to grow in popularity, it can only help in the blurring of gender lines and lead to less discrimination of those going outside “the box” of gender.

J. Crew Controversy

There has recently been much debate in the news about a J. Crew ad that was published featuring the company’s president, Jenna Lyons, painting her 5 year old son’s nails neon pink.  As soon as the ad was made public, the controversy began, and discussions have been showing up all over the news and internet since.  I have heard many mixed debates on this ad, some positive and many negative.  I found it extremely entertaining to read through some of the blogs and news articles of what people had to say, because it just showed how completely ignorant our society is when it comes to anything dealing with gender. 

One specific thing that stood out to me was in a Fox Newscast, in which they had quotes from Dr. Keith Ablow.  He quoted, “It may be fun and games now, Jenna, but at least put some money aside for psychotherapy for the kid…this is a dramatic example of the way that our culture is being encouraged to abandon all trappings of gender identity.”  After hearing this, I could not believe that anyone could be that ignorant to say something so terrible.  The fact that someone could honestly believe something as simple as painting a little boys nails would have that much influence on his life is completely ridiculous. 

I like that in this news segment they not only give the negative aspects, such as Dr. Ablow’s comments, but also provide positive feedback from others.  On gentleman states that as a child his sister painted his nails and he turned out just fine.  Another woman argues that just because a child’s nails are painted pink doesn’t mean they will turn out to be transgender.  One lady stated that if they ad had been a little girl playing in mud with trucks, no one would have complained.  I believe this would be true.  Although there may have been a select few who would have complained, for the most part everyone would have just blown it off and moved on.  This is because in our society it is more acceptable for women/girls to act and dress “boyish”, but it still remains completely unacceptable for men/boys to want to be more feminine. 

The whole debate over this ad makes me angry, but I can’t help but laugh at how idiotic it really is when you look deeper into it.  There are so many other problems in the world right now, and this is something that is nowhere near the most important one to be focusing on.  I think society needs to wake up and realize that times are changing and we no longer need to stick to the two-gendered system of the past.  It is a new day and age, and for those who are ignorant to gender issues, they need to wake up and embrace the change.  If you would like to view the news clip I am referring to, I have attached it below.

http://abcnews.go.com/Business/crew-ad-boy-pink-nail-polish-advertising-red/story?id=13364643

Honor To Us All

While studying for my exam last night, I was listening to none other than Disney Pandora and on came a song called “Honor to Us All” from Mulan.  I have seen this movie many times, but never really listened to the words that closely.  As I studied and sang along, I began paying attention to what was really being said and realizing what it meant.  For those of you who haven’t seen Mulan, it is a story of a girl who learns her sick father is to be sent off to fight in a war.  She decides to disguise herself as a boy and pretend to be his son in order to go to war in his place.  She goes through many struggles in the movie trying to masculinize herself, including cutting her hair short and dressing/acting like a boy.  At one point, when this song is sung, the women of her village are trying to prepare Mulan for marriage by changing her tomboy ways.  The song goes on to describe the ideal woman, and what is expected of her.  I have attached the full lyrics if you would like to read through them, but I wanted to point out a few of the parts that caught my attention.  One section describes what men want out of women, among these things is calm, obedient, fast paced worker, good at breeding and a tiny waist.  All of these things fit the stereotypes of the “lady box” that is presented in society.  Another part that stood out to me was when they talk about the “recipe for instant bride”.  That goes along with the stereotype that woman’s main goal in life is to marry and make her husband happy.  The song suggests that by Mulan doing all of these things, and conforming to her villages expectations of women, the elders of the village will honor and respect her.  The Mulan vs. village elder’s battle resembles that of any society.  It seems that no matter where you go, older generations are still stuck on the complete separation of man and woman.  When you look at the younger generations, there tends to be much more fluidity and experimentation with gender, and overall they are more open to change.  Mulan is a movie I grew up with, and it’s funny to see that no matter how much we convince ourselves that society and media do not have an effect on our overall self representation, it really does in subtle ways such as this song.  There are millions of little girls watching this movie, and many others that have no idea they are being brainwashed into these views of women being the inferior ones.  It is very hard to change society when the discrimination is all around us.

I Heart Female Orgasm

Last week, I attended the I Heart Female Orgasm event on campus.  After a little convincing, I was able to drag a group of my friends along.  We really had no idea what to expect out of it, but figured it would be entertaining nonetheless.  We also expected to see a fairly small crowd of mainly female students.  We were surprised to show up and see a line almost out the door waiting to get in, and just as many male students as females.  As we made our way in, we quickly snagged seats near the back, for fear they would ask for audience participation.  As it began, I realized it wasn't as crazy as I had expected it to be, and it was actually very entertaining and educational. 

Overall, most of the information presented I had already learned previously at some point in my life.  However, there were many things I was surprised at.  For instance, the fact that when the females of the group were asked to describe their first orgasm, many listed a time from their young childhood years in which they had their first experience with orgasm.  I really liked that the presenters brought up the issue of the Pornography Industry.  I feel that so many people nowadays believe that everything about porn is how it is in real life.  Although I know this is not the case, it was nice to have them touch on that and point out how unrealistic it really is. 

Another thing that I really liked about this event was that the presenters did not only focus on a typical male-female relationship.  At many times throughout the event they made comments about lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender individuals.  I thought it was awesome that they did not discriminate on anyone, and made a presentation that truly anyone could enjoy and feel comfortable at.  In my opinion, this event was well worth my time and very interesting.  Not only were there a lot of "fun facts" that you don't learn or hear about every day, but the presentation was also very educational.  I believe that a person's sexuality is extremely important, and a person should feel comfortable expressing and embracing it. 

This presentation helps to make people understand that everyone is not the same, and it’s ok to be different from others.  It spreads a great message about being comfortable with the person you are and being able to have fun and enjoy life.  I would definitely recommend it to others, and hope that in the future they will be able to return to our campus for future students.

Jane

Yesterday, I went to the “Jane” abortion documentary and talk at the Women’s Center.  I didn’t know exactly what to expect on my way there, but I figured it would be interesting because abortion is such a controversial topic in our society.  It turns out that “Jane” was kind of an underground abortion service run by a group of feminist women.  It started out as more of an abortion counseling service for women who were thinking about getting an abortion to get more information on what to expect physically and emotionally after the abortion.  The women of “Jane” would then deliver the women getting the abortion to a doctor in an apartment building they had set up where he would perform the service.  Eventually, the women found out that the doctor was indeed not a real doctor, and they began training the “Jane” women to perform the abortions on these women themselves.  One of the women stated that she was doing about 20-25 abortions a day, 4 days a week. 

At the time, it was very hard to find someone who would perform an abortion because they were illegal.  Another issue, if a woman did find someone who would follow through on the abortion, was the price.  Abortions were very expensive at an average cost of $500.  Because of this, many women felt trapped if they became pregnant; until they learned of “Jane”.  Once women found out about these services, “Jane’s” popularity grew rapidly.  Between the years of 1968-1973 there were about 125 women working for Jane providing counseling and abortion services, and they performed over 12000 abortions for women all over. 

I found this documentary to be very interesting and kind of scary at the same time.  I am against abortion for the most part, so watching it was kind of difficult for me at first, especially hearing how many women had gone through these services.  At the same time, I loved the dedication of the women who started “Jane” and I loved how passionate they were about helping the women who came to them for help.  On the other hand, I found it very scary that these women had no medical background or education, yet they were performing these abortions that could have potentially gone very wrong and even killed women.  Maybe this is because I am a nursing major and know how dangerous it really is to try something like that without experience, but the fact that they were not only doing the abortions, but also giving medication and administering shots to the women made me even more nervous. 

By the end of the video, I could not decide where I stood on the topic, and still am not quite sure.  On one hand, I am completely against abortions, and felt it was very stupid and dangerous of the “Jane” women to try something like this especially because they could have seriously hurt someone.  On the other hand, I feel it was a big step for women’s rights and the passion of those women helped so many others to gain strength and courage to do great things in life.  So, although I didn’t agree with much of the video, I am glad I did go to see it and can say that I truly did enjoy it and recommend it to all of you.

Pornography

Last night I was watching a Law and Order SVU marathon and one of the episodes was dealing with a debate on pornography.  Two of the main detectives in the case got into a heated debate on whether or not porn was degrading to women, and it reminded me of the discussions we had in class dealing with pornography.  The female detective, Olivia Benson, was arguing that porn is degrading to women and that because of porn women feel that they have to live up to the “porn star” image and do the things that the women in the videos are doing for their man to be happy.  She argued that because of these films, men also expect women to be like these women they are seeing and if they are not, their men aren’t satisfied.  She talks about how it puts ideas in men’s heads that they can overpower women and controlling them.  The other male detective, Odafin Tutuola, argues against Benson's ideas and says that he has watched porn along with millions of others in the world, and it is only degrading if women let it be.  He states that all of the women in the films are willing to engage in the activities they do, and if for some reason they are looked down upon it was their own choice to do what they did.  He claims that maybe both men and women get ideas from porn, but that it does not have a negative impact on them or society.  I found this section of the episode to be very interesting, because it seems to cover some of the most common arguments on pornography.  I sided with detective Benson, because I do believe that the pornography industry is degrading to women and sets a standard in society that women feel they need to, but should not have to, live up to.  Also, I found it interesting that none of the other detectives that were around during this debate were willing to throw in their beliefs to aid in the discussion.  I have a feeling that because Benson was the only female detective, and all the rest are men, the other men standing around would have most likely sided with Tutuola.  I was extremely frustrated while watching the episode, because I know that there are so many people out there that would side with Tutuola instead.  It makes me really angry because this is just another way that women are looked down on and lowered in society, and without people recognizing this it will be nearly impossible to have equality of the genders.

Princess Party

Over break, I went home to Stevens Point to work.  My job is at a fitness club, working in the daycare area.  Yesterday, one of the little girls turned 3 years old.  When she came in today, I asked her how her birthday was and what presents she got.  She began listing off details of her “princess” party; princess plates, cups, napkins, a princess cake, and even Disney princess piñata.  Then she went on to list off her favorite presents, which included a play makeup station, a new Barbie doll, and princess dress up clothes.  I couldn’t help but laugh, because as soon as she finished telling me all about her cliché princess party she quickly ran over to play with the train set, completely bypassing the “girly” toys. 

When the little girls’ mom came to pick her up at the end of the day, I couldn’t help but question her about the party.  I asked why did Gwyn (the little girl) pick a princess party for her birthday?  Her mom seemed confused and responded, “Well she likes princesses”.  I pointed out that there were many other things that Gwyn liked, many of which were considered gender neutral or “boyish”, so why hadn’t she chose one of those as a theme?  Especially since there were little boys invited to the party as well.  She seemed to be offended that I would question her, and said “It’s not like I would throw a batman party for my 3 year old daughter!” and I simply responded, “Why not?” 

I could tell that she was becoming angry, so I dropped the subject and let her be on her way.  However, I couldn’t help but continue thinking about how quickly the mother became defensive and shocked that I would question something so typical as a little girls princess party.  I thought it was very funny, and almost felt bad that I had done this to the poor mother.  It was obvious that the little girl had not asked for a princess party, and probably could have cared less what “theme” her birthday was as long as there was cake and presents.  I felt her mother was just going along with what society considers “normal” and right for a girl her age.  This may be true but to me, this just further pointed how much work is yet to be done in the move towards gender equality and getting rid completely of the “man box” and “lady box”.

Polar Plunge

Yesterday I spent the whole day volunteering at the Polar Plunge.  I was assigned to work in the kids tent at the pick a duck game.  As I sat at the game, I couldnt help but watch the parents around me interacting with their kids.  One mom specifically stood out to me when she brought her son and daughter over to play the games.  The little boy walked up to the pool to pick his duck first.  He sat down on the ground, grabbed a duck, threw it down into the water, then began splashing and playing in it.  Next, the little girl walked up for her turn.  When she tried to sit on the ground her mom quickly stopped her, saying "Careful! Dont sit on the yucky ground...you dont want to get your pretty clothes all dirty."  This caught my attention, and clearly confused the little girl, because just seconds earlier her brother had been allowed to do that very thing. 

Next, she tried to pick a duck, but before she could, her mom grabbed her arms to pull up her sleeves so they wouldnt get wet.  Finally the girl was allowed to grab a duck, but before she could throw it into the water like her brother had, the mom took it from her hand and gently set it into the water.  Then the girl tried to join her brother in splashing in the water, and was pulled away by her mom.  The little girl looked so confused that she couldnt act the same ways as her brother.  This mom was just one of the many parents I saw that day that were clearly raising their children to fit into the stereotypical "man" or "lady boxes" of society.  It was so obvious that the majority of the parents were trying to raise their children this way, and it seemed like they didnt even realize it.