There has always been a debate on last names, and who takes whose last name in marriage, as well as whose last name children should take. Tradition in our society says that it should be the woman taking on the man’s name, and any children they have also take on that name. There has also been the argument of hyphenating last names so that both the mother and father are included in the last name. In my opinion, hyphenating, although seemingly more equal, just confuses the situation. Lets say my last name is Smith, and my husband’s is Johnson; our children would then have the last name Smith-Johnson. Then when our child gets married, if their husband/wife also has a hyphenated last name, it then leaves four choices. Does it then become a four part last name? Or do you simply pick the two favorites to move on to your children? I understand in some circumstances, hyphenated last names may be the answer, but for the most part I don’t think that it is necessary and just makes for a sticky situation.
But going back to the debate on whether or not a wife should take a husband’s last name. I feel like it is completely up to the couple whether or not they change their last names, or simply both just keep their own. I understand that the reasoning behind the woman taking the man’s last name is based upon past views of society and how the man is the head of household. I also believe that it really is not as big of a deal if a woman decides to take her husbands name nowadays as some people make it out to be. It does not mean that she feels less important than her husband or that he is the dominant one in the relationship, even though that is how some people make it seem. To me, my last name is not something that important to me that I wouldn’t want to give it up. And just because I do, it doesn’t change who I am or who my family is.
When it comes to an unmarried couple that has a child, if they are staying together and raising the child together I believe either last name would be fine depending on what the parents prefer. On the other hand, if they are not together and the child lives with one or the other permanently or majority of the time, I think that it makes the most sense to have them take that last name. To me, one of the last things I am thinking about when getting ready to marry someone or have children is the last name that I or my children will take. I realize this is not the case with everyone, but in my opinion there is way too much time and attention focused on this issue. Everyone should be free to make their own decisions without worrying about criticism from family, friends, or society about what they should have done.
But going back to the debate on whether or not a wife should take a husband’s last name. I feel like it is completely up to the couple whether or not they change their last names, or simply both just keep their own. I understand that the reasoning behind the woman taking the man’s last name is based upon past views of society and how the man is the head of household. I also believe that it really is not as big of a deal if a woman decides to take her husbands name nowadays as some people make it out to be. It does not mean that she feels less important than her husband or that he is the dominant one in the relationship, even though that is how some people make it seem. To me, my last name is not something that important to me that I wouldn’t want to give it up. And just because I do, it doesn’t change who I am or who my family is.
When it comes to an unmarried couple that has a child, if they are staying together and raising the child together I believe either last name would be fine depending on what the parents prefer. On the other hand, if they are not together and the child lives with one or the other permanently or majority of the time, I think that it makes the most sense to have them take that last name. To me, one of the last things I am thinking about when getting ready to marry someone or have children is the last name that I or my children will take. I realize this is not the case with everyone, but in my opinion there is way too much time and attention focused on this issue. Everyone should be free to make their own decisions without worrying about criticism from family, friends, or society about what they should have done.
This is definitely an interesting arugment you have posted. Being raised in the school I was, I definitely have a more traditional view when it comes to the last name. I feel that the woman and children should have my last name. While at the same time this definitely wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, because we are all up for our own decisions. I would just feel honored to have my wife and children share a bond like we would if we all had the same last name. I realize that this is definitely a traditional viewpoint, and I am sure more people will hyphenate in the future, but for me this is just one traditional aspect I would like to embrace.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. The whole last name issue seems to be taken way out of control. It should be up to the couple on what they decide to do when they get married. I am more of a traditionalist as well and taking my husbands last name is something that I am planning to do. I also agree that hyphenating is an option but would seem to get confusing. In my family, the carrying on of the last name is important and hyphenating for my brothers is something I know they would not want to do. I am also a believer just like Bavarian Murphy that taking the last name of my husband and having my children take his name would create a bond. You make very good points in this blog.
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