Last Name Debate

There has always been a debate on last names, and who takes whose last name in marriage, as well as whose last name children should take.  Tradition in our society says that it should be the woman taking on the man’s name, and any children they have also take on that name.  There has also been the argument of hyphenating last names so that both the mother and father are included in the last name.  In my opinion, hyphenating, although seemingly more equal, just confuses the situation.  Lets say my last name is Smith, and my husband’s is Johnson; our children would then have the last name Smith-Johnson.  Then when our child gets married, if their husband/wife also has a hyphenated last name, it then leaves four choices.  Does it then become a four part last name?  Or do you simply pick the two favorites to move on to your children?  I understand in some circumstances, hyphenated last names may be the answer, but for the most part I don’t think that it is necessary and just makes for a sticky situation. 

But going back to the debate on whether or not a wife should take a husband’s last name.  I feel like it is completely up to the couple whether or not they change their last names, or simply both just keep their own.  I understand that the reasoning behind the woman taking the man’s last name is based upon past views of society and how the man is the head of household.  I also believe that it really is not as big of a deal if a woman decides to take her husbands name nowadays as some people make it out to be.  It does not mean that she feels less important than her husband or that he is the dominant one in the relationship, even though that is how some people make it seem.  To me, my last name is not something that important to me that I wouldn’t want to give it up.  And just because I do, it doesn’t change who I am or who my family is. 

When it comes to an unmarried couple that has a child, if they are staying together and raising the child together I believe either last name would be fine depending on what the parents prefer.  On the other hand, if they are not together and the child lives with one or the other permanently or majority of the time, I think that it makes the most sense to have them take that last name.  To me, one of the last things I am thinking about when getting ready to marry someone or have children is the last name that I or my children will take.  I realize this is not the case with everyone, but in my opinion there is way too much time and attention focused on this issue.  Everyone should be free to make their own decisions without worrying about criticism from family, friends, or society about what they should have done. 

Gender Identity Disorder

Gender Identity Disorder is becoming increasingly talked about over the last decade, and more research is being done to better understand the disorder.  Gender Identity Disorder is when a persons biological sex conflicts with the gender they chose to identify and live as.  Last semester I was in a trans and gender queer class, and I had the opportunity to see many videos and interviews on individuals with gender identity disorder, as well as meet a few in person. 

One video in particular that really stuck out in my mind was an interview done on a little girl named Jazz.  Jazz was born a boy, but at the age of 2 knew that she was meant to be a girl.  Jazz’s story was a happy one.  She knew at a very young age that she was born in the wrong body, so she grew up living as a girl.  In the video, it is said by experts that the younger a child is when transitioning, the easier it is for them.  Jazz only spent 2 years living as a boy, so her transition was much easier than some.  Since she wasn’t forced to deal with changing at a later age, it was easier to forget about her past living as a boy.  Her parents and family were also extremely understanding and always made her feel comfortable with her choice to be a girl.  They allowed her to wear dresses, grow out her hair, play with girl toys, and everything else little girls like to do. 

Since seeing the interview with Jazz, she has stuck in my mind.  I could not believe first off how mature and determined she was.  She wasn’t worried about what other people thought, and just wanted to do what she knew would make her happy.  I also loved how amazing her parents were with the whole situation.  Many parents of children with Gender Identity Disorder question them, and often try and change their minds to make them “normal.”  This was not the case with the parents of Jazz.  All they wanted was for Jazz to be happy, and they never pushed her to be something she wasn’t.  I respect her parents and give them so much credit for that. 

The first video I watched of Jazz, she was only 7 years old.  The interviewer asked her what it meant to be transgender.  She responded that she was born with a boy’s body and a girl’s brain.  I found it so fascinating listening to her speak, because she seemed so mature for her age.  I also couldn’t believe how positive she was.  For the most part it seemed as all of Jazz’s friends and family were very accepting of her choice and embraced it.  I definitely think that this had a huge impact on Jazz and making her transition much easier. 

Watching this made me wish that was the case for all individuals dealing with Gender Identity Disorder.  So many people are disowned by family and friends after announcing they would like to change their gender.  Also, many people don’t realize until later in life, or simply pretend to be something they are not.  As we begin to understand more about this disorder and continue educating others, the better it will be.  People need to understand that this is not a choice, and imagine what it would be like living as something you are not everyday of your life.

Here's the link to the video of Jazz that I was talking about.  This is only the first part of five, but if you are interested in watching them all they should pop up after each section ends.

Domestic Violence

Today’s video on domestic violence really hit home for me.  One of my really good friends spent 4 years in an abusive relationship.  I was the one she always came to for help and to talk to, and it was extremely hard for me to deal with.  They were high school sweethearts, and after we graduated they moved in together.  He had always been verbally abusive to her, but once they moved in together it escaladed into physical abuse as well.  After a year of living together, she became pregnant.  I hated that she was with him still, but I thought that her getting pregnant would hopefully be enough to stop him from hurting her anymore; I was wrong. 

Finally, it got to the point where it was so bad that I threatened to call the police for fear of not only my friend’s safety, but now the baby’s.  That was enough to scare her in to moving out.  She moved into a group home for abused women, where she stayed only for a short time, then moved back in with him.  I was outraged when she told me that she had left to go back to him.  Soon after she moved back in, the baby was born.  Once again, I tried to stay positive, but the abuse continued.  She ended up moving out, and back to the group home, a few months later with her daughter because things had gotten so bad again and she feared for the baby.  That is when she finally got smart and decided she needed to move on and didn’t have to deal with him anymore. 

Because of my friends experience, I have a lot of empathy for these women.  I have experienced, through my friend, how hard it can be to get out of an abusive relationship.  For someone who hasn’t been through it, it seems so obvious that you should just get away from the abuse and never go back to the person.  But really, its not that easy.  There is so much more behind it than just the abuse, and many people don’t realize that there are many reasons these women are forced to stay in the relationship to help them financially, or if they have children.  Some of the statistics mentioned in the video really shocked me, especially that every 18 seconds a woman is a victim of abuse, and 1 out of 4 women in the US experience domestic abuse.  It’s so crazy to think that that many women are being abused, because it’s not something you hear about in the news or media very often.  I think this is partially because women are not opening talking about it, and many are embarrassed that the abuse happened to them. 

I also found it very interesting how many people they interviewed that said they had been abused as a child by their parents or someone they knew, then when they grew up, they continued the violence because it was what they had learned.  It completely makes sense, but it’s really sad to think that it could possibly have been avoided if somehow we were able to stop the abuse.  I was glad to see how much work was being done as far as making the laws against abuse more strict, and feel like it is necessary to make a change because abuse rates are just getting worse. 

Tru Life: I'm Changing My Sex

A few years ago, MTV had a Tru Life special titled “I’m changing my sex.”  In this episode, there were two people featured.  Elle, who was 24 at the time of filming, was born with male genitalia.  Elle lived as heterosexual man most of her life, but always wanted to be woman.  She was very unhappy with her life, and became very depressed and even attempted suicide.  Once she had been living as a female for many years, she finally felt comfortable enough to make a permanent change.  Elle decided to undergo a complete gender transformation, and had sexual reassignment surgery.  After the surgery, she was much happier with herself and more comfortable with herself. 

The second person featured was Ted, who was 22 and living as a man.  Ted was born Ashley, a biological female.  He considers himself Female to Male Transgender.  Because he is biologically female, Ted has large breasts and wants surgery to reconstruct his chest to make himself appear more masculine.  He has opted out of having full reassignment surgery.  The only thing stopping him from changing his appearance is the fact that he does not have enough money to pay for the surgery.  Growing up felt like a boy, but his family raised him as a girl.  Because Ted’s appearance was that of a female, he decided to tell people he was a lesbian, since he thought it was easier to explain to people than being transgender.  After going to college, Ted met and joined a trans group in which he finally felt comfortable being who he was.  He currently has a wife, who says she didn’t care that Ted was trans, and she loved him for who he was even after finding out.  Ted had his surgery and is fully recovered living life happily with his wife. 

Both of these individuals they showed were great examples for educating those who really don’t know much about what it means to be transgender/transsexuals.  Both Elle and Ted are success stories, and there are many others that are not so lucky.  Many trans individuals cannot afford to have the expensive surgeries required for changing their sex, and many other complications that prevent them from the transition.  Although this is the case, I believe it was very brave of Ted and Elle for volunteering themselves to be shown on public television and not worrying about how people would react to it.  I first saw this episode a few years ago, but it was the first time I had seen a show dealing with both the positives and negatives of being transgender and all of the struggles that come along with the surgeries.  Because MTV is such a popular station and is well respected, this episode opened many doors for education and awareness of transgender in society. 

http://www.mtv.com/videos/true-life-im-changing-my-sex/1631489/playlist.jhtml

Engagement Rings?

Our discussion in class about engagement rings made me really start to think.  I must admit, I have always wanted to have a beautiful engagement ring to show off.  Then, I realized it was just that; I wanted to show it off.  It made me start to think deeper into what an engagement ring really means in our society.  You do not need a ring to prove to others that you have a partner that you are planning on being with the rest of your life.  So, especially with the economy the way it is today, why do so many people still spend crazy amounts of money on them?  And if it is the case that they are for some reason a necessity to marriage, it brings up the issue of “mangagement rings”.  Why don’t men wear rings like the women do?  It seems that the expectation is for women to have a huge rock on their hand to show off that they are taken, and that their significant other has money to spend. 

I never really put much thought into how outrageous some rings are, and how big of a deal having the perfect ring is to most women.  I did some research, and the average amount spent on an engagement ring is between $3500 and $4000.  That is a big chunk of money, and it definitely isn’t something that most people can afford.  I think this has a lot to do with why the marriage age has kept getting higher and higher, and engagements are longer.  People don’t have enough money to be able to afford the engagement ring and the wedding, so they need more time to save up and prepare financially for them.  The more I think about the idea of an engagement ring, the more I seem to be against wanting one.  I have always been big on saving money and the realization of how expensive and basically useless the rings are makes me rethink it.  Also, I feel that it is ridiculous that this tradition is continuing basically just because society says it is the norm.  Engagement rings are just another useless stressor that society puts on people.

Male Pageant?

There is an event held on the UW Oshkosh campus every year called Mr. UWO.  A few days ago, I attended this event for the third time since coming to Oshkosh.  For those of you who haven’t been to this before, it basically is a competition where men of UWO compete for the title of “Mr. UWO.”  In other words, it is a male pageant.  Some may argue that this shouldn't be considered a pageant because when most think of pageants, Mr. UWO is not exactly what comes to mind right away.  Now, I admit this is no where near as extravagant as the typical pageants women compete in, but nonetheless it has many of the same aspects involved, so I don't think it is fair to judge it differently simply because it is men rather than women. 

Pageants shoud not be based on gender, and I think its pretty cool to have things like this offered to men.  The men of Mr. UWO were expected to compete in multiple rounds, including formal wear, spirit wear, and talent.  Pageants are most always associated with women, and when involving women they tend to more intense and more activities involved.  This may be the case, but I feel that the more exposure people are given to pageants involving men, the less discriminatory they will be.  Many men have the idea that pageants and other events like them are not considered “manly”.  But in all reality, the men I have seen participate in pageants love the competition, as well as showing off to the crowd, and seem to thoroughly enjoy themselves.  If events such as these continue to grow in popularity, it can only help in the blurring of gender lines and lead to less discrimination of those going outside “the box” of gender.

J. Crew Controversy

There has recently been much debate in the news about a J. Crew ad that was published featuring the company’s president, Jenna Lyons, painting her 5 year old son’s nails neon pink.  As soon as the ad was made public, the controversy began, and discussions have been showing up all over the news and internet since.  I have heard many mixed debates on this ad, some positive and many negative.  I found it extremely entertaining to read through some of the blogs and news articles of what people had to say, because it just showed how completely ignorant our society is when it comes to anything dealing with gender. 

One specific thing that stood out to me was in a Fox Newscast, in which they had quotes from Dr. Keith Ablow.  He quoted, “It may be fun and games now, Jenna, but at least put some money aside for psychotherapy for the kid…this is a dramatic example of the way that our culture is being encouraged to abandon all trappings of gender identity.”  After hearing this, I could not believe that anyone could be that ignorant to say something so terrible.  The fact that someone could honestly believe something as simple as painting a little boys nails would have that much influence on his life is completely ridiculous. 

I like that in this news segment they not only give the negative aspects, such as Dr. Ablow’s comments, but also provide positive feedback from others.  On gentleman states that as a child his sister painted his nails and he turned out just fine.  Another woman argues that just because a child’s nails are painted pink doesn’t mean they will turn out to be transgender.  One lady stated that if they ad had been a little girl playing in mud with trucks, no one would have complained.  I believe this would be true.  Although there may have been a select few who would have complained, for the most part everyone would have just blown it off and moved on.  This is because in our society it is more acceptable for women/girls to act and dress “boyish”, but it still remains completely unacceptable for men/boys to want to be more feminine. 

The whole debate over this ad makes me angry, but I can’t help but laugh at how idiotic it really is when you look deeper into it.  There are so many other problems in the world right now, and this is something that is nowhere near the most important one to be focusing on.  I think society needs to wake up and realize that times are changing and we no longer need to stick to the two-gendered system of the past.  It is a new day and age, and for those who are ignorant to gender issues, they need to wake up and embrace the change.  If you would like to view the news clip I am referring to, I have attached it below.

http://abcnews.go.com/Business/crew-ad-boy-pink-nail-polish-advertising-red/story?id=13364643